Your Past, For My Future
by Golden23
Summary: Rogue gambles a life for a life; her future in exchange for Logan's past; set in X-Men 1


**This story takes place during X-Men I; I don't own any of the characters, I'm just playing with them.**

Study the past if you would divine the future.

-Confucius

**Saturday, 10:30 am-**

Rogue was wandering the grounds of the school, tying to figure out what she should do. The boy, Bobby, had told her that the Professor and everyone were mad at her for what she had done.

She had only wanted to wake Logan from his nightmare and instead her world became the nightmare. Logan had accidentally stabbed her, and she had reacted by touching his face, not even thinking of his healing abilities saving her, but wanting to comfort him even then. He had looked so sad and scared.

But instead of comforting him, she had almost killed him, pulling his energy and memories into herself, barely leaving anything behind. And then all the other students had stared at her like she was a monster, not even waiting to hear why she had done it. Now she was in trouble, and she was scared what they would do to her. She wished Logan was awake. His memories told her he had a lot of experience escaping tight situations.

The Wolverine in her head growled again, saying the little shit had lied to her and not to believe him, but the other voices in her head drowned him out. Sabretooth told her to run, Cody told her that it was _all_ her fault, everything, and the nameless trucker who had tried to get handsy just called her a freak over and over. She couldnt think straight, there were too many voices, too many memories that weren't her own and were drowning out the one voice that was telling her not to be scared.

So she ran.

****

| Train Station|

Rogue tried to make herself as small as possible in her seat, but knew that this act would only draw more attention to her. She finally gave it up as a lost cause, and allowed herself to people watch.

The young mother with her son sitting across the aisle grabbed her attention first.

Envy slammed in to her. Her mother used to hold her like that. She would run her fingers across her forehead to wake her up for school every morning.

But that was before. Before Cody, before they realized she was different and they turned a blind eye to her leaving. Before everything went to hell in a hand basket.

Sinking deeper and deeper into self-pity and depression, Rogue didn't notice someone standing next to her until they cleared their throat to get her attention.

"Hey kid."

She looked up and there he was. The reason she had to leave. Logan. He sat beside her and stared at her for a moment before he spoke.

"Im sorry about last night."

"Me too." For more than you can ever know.

"You runnin' again?"

Rogue looked away for a moment, trying not to cry, before taking a deep breath and answering, "I heard the professor was mad at me."

Logan looked confused. "Well who told you that?"

She didn't want to get the boy in trouble, and besides she honestly couldn't remember his name. "A boy at school."

"Kid I don't know who told you that, but they were wrong. The professor wasn't mad; he understands that it was just an accident."

For a moment Rogue was confused, it sounded like Logan was trying to talk her into going back.

"You think I should go back." Incredulous, Rogue saw that she had guessed right when she saw the look Logan gave her. But he still seemed to want her to make up her own mind.

"I think you should follow your instincts."

Rogue was silent, wondering how she could explain. It wasn't just the thought that the Professor was mad at her that had made her run. It was all of it. Her running away from home, from Cody, her crossing the country with only her skin to save her from the hazards of hitchhiking, meeting Logan, absorbing Sabretooth, coming to the school and seeing how things could be for her, and all of it culminating in last night when she nearly died and nearly killed Logan. Too much had happened for her to think that her living in the school would work. How do you explain all that to someone you've only known for less than a week? The beginning.

"The first boy I ever kissed ended up in a coma for three weeks." she paused a moment to gather her courage to continue. "I can still feel him inside my head. And its the same with you."

She had to stop again, because the look on Logans face almost broke her heart. It wasn't pity or disgust like she had almost come to expect. No it was something worse. It was guilt. He knew his memories weren't pretty and the Logan inside her head was telling her that he didn't think anyone should remember them.

Rogue couldn't help but cry at seeing Logans remorse over something that wasn't his fault. Turning to the window she tried to not let him see her tears, but his damn superior senses betrayed her and the next thing she knew, a strong arm had wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her into an embrace. Rogue froze for just an instant before giving into the wonderful sensation of being held again, albeit through several layers of clothing. She felt Logan squeeze her tighter before she felt the deep rumble from his chest as he finally spoke.

"There's not many people that'll understand what you're going through but I think this guy Xavier is one of them. He seems to genuinely want to help you and that's a rare thing for people like us."

Rogue held her breath, scarcely believing that Logan would lump himself with her. She raised her head to look him in the eye. Something passed between them, too quick for her to catch and then, with the lurch of the train, it was gone and they were just two strangers, embarrassed that they had let too much be said. Rogue leaned away and waited for Logan to say something to break the awkwardness that had sprung up.

"So what d'ya say? Give these geeks one more shot."

Rogue smiled at that, but still hesitated. She didnt know if she wanted to go back. Logans next words, spoken in only a whisper stunned her.

"Come on, I'll take care of you."

"You promise?"

Oh how she wanted to believe him. He had her mental Logan agreeing and somehow his words made the prospect of going back to the school extremely appealing, but there was still something that made her want to continue on her journey away. If only she could ask Logan to go with her.

That was it! She could ask him to come with her, at least for a little while, just till she got her feet under her again!

She looked at him through tear soaked eyelashes and wilted. There was no way he would want to do that. She was only a kid, and he was very much a man's man. What did she have to offer... she had his memories! And she had the memories of someone that had known him a long time ago. Rogue had heard several of the teachers speaking about Logans amnesia and how the Professor was supposed to help him to remember.

But what if she could just tell him what he needed to know? That would make a fair trade; his past for her future!

Now she just had to figure out how to ask him.

"Yeah, yeah I promise."

And then everything went to hell. Again.

You can never plan the future by the past.

-Edmund Burke

****

Friday, 5:00 pm

Rogue stood next to Bobby, laughing as they double-teamed for foosball, but inside she was wondering how Logan was doing. She had heard that he woke up the night before, but hadn't seen him yet. She still wanted to talk to him about the deal she had come up with, now more than ever, because this time he had saved her life by deliberately putting himself at risk. Rogue felt she owed him at least his memories.

Some sixth sense, left over from absorbing one too many ferals, had Rogue glancing towards the doors just in time to see Logan walking out with a duffel slung over his shoulder. Barely giving an excuse to Bobby, she went jogging to the doors.

"Hey."

She spoke softly, now knowing first hand how sensitive Logans hearing truly was. Even so she startled him into turning to face her. She waited till she got closer before continuing.

"You runnin' again?" Well that wouldn't work, she couldn't repay him if he wasn't here.

"Not really. I, um, got some things to take care of up north."

Alkali Lake. That's where he was going. That's where that horrible man did those experiments on Logan. It only made sense that he would start there. But before she could say anything, Logan reached out to brush her now white bangs.

"I kinda like it." And it was true, she thought. I do like them. "I dont want you to go." She paused trying to think how to say what she needed to. She didn't notice as Logan reached up and unhooked his dogtags, only becoming aware of them as he reached out and pressed them into her palm.

"I'll be back for this." Somber and so serious. Rogue couldn't help but roll her eyes a little at the unnecessary but still sweet gesture.

"Logan, what I mean is you don't need to go." Rogue passed the dogtags back, and saw that she had hurt his feelings. "Ah! I mean you don't need to go all the way to Alkali Lake to find out about your past!"

For once, Rogue had the pleasure of seeing the Wolverine struck dumb by a woman.

"How the hell do you know about that?!"

"Well, I tried to tell you on the train, but Erik- I mean Magneto came before I could."

Next thing Rogue knew, she was being pulled outside, tossed onto a shiny motorcycle, with Logan in front of her, and they were driving away from the school at terrifying speeds. Logan didn't say a word for miles, not until he finally stopped at a rundown bar situated far back from the road. Rogue noticed there were only a handful of cars in the parking lot, and when Logan dragged her inside, she saw that the only people who were there were the bartender, a waitress, and two old men sitting at the bar.

She watched Logan take all this in as well, before he dragged her to the back and pushed her into a corner booth and sat across from her. All this and still he said nothing. Just stared hard at Rogue as if he hoped to pull all his memories out of her head himself. Rogue didn't know what to say; she hadn't expected him to react like this, and frankly she was a little worried about him. Their stalemate ended when the waitress worked up her courage and came over.

"What can I get for you?"

"Beer." Succinct as ever.

"I'll have a Sprite, please. Thank you." Her mama had taught her manners.

After the waitress brought their drinks, Logan finally directed a question to Rogue.

"Who am I?"

Well that just about broke Rogues heart that that would be his first question. She took a deep breath and started at the beginning.

"Your name was James Howlett. You were born sometime in the early 1800s. You had a wonderful family who loved you very much. You also knew Sabretooth, Victor Creed. He was your brother." She continued on, telling Logan how he had been a soldier many times over, how he had fought to protect people, and how he had lost those he loved. When it came to the point where she mentioned his deal with Stryker and how he came to have the adamantium fused to his bones, Logan interrupted her.

"You mean, I volunteered for this?!" He said this in horror, looking down at his hands.

"You did it to stop Victor. You thought it was the only way."

"So what happened after that?"

Rogue told him how Stryker wanted to use him to hunt and destroy other mutants and how when Logan wouldn't do that, Stryker shot him in the head and the trauma caused Logan's amnesia.

After winding down, Rogue didn't know what to say. What do you say to somebody who just found out one of his greatest enemies is his own brother. Or that Professor Xavier knew the whole time who he was. It was a lot to take in, Rogue knew that firsthand. It had taken her days to sort through his memories; his and Victors. Rogue decided to just wait Logan out, let him make the first move. He finally did almost an hour after Rogues incredible tale.

"Thanks kid."

Rogue smiled at him and replied, "Just returning the favor, sugah."


End file.
